Red bull — I got no Wings

To the customer service dept. for Red Bull,

I am submitting a formal complaint against your company and specifically your Red Bull energy drink product. At no time during my consumption of your beverage, did I get wings or receive any type of winged assistance.
On Oct 31, 2009 I used your product in conjunction with various accoutrements at a College gathering. After consuming 6 containers of your beverage, it was determined by numerous aeronautical experts who were present at the event that I should attempt to glide down from a second story balcony. Based upon your slogan and favorable winds I did in fact attempt this feat. At this point I discovered that your product Red Bull does NOT "Give You Wings" as your company Slogan implies. In fact my decent was actually accelerated due to the extra containers of your product strapped to my body for use during the flight. As stated previously, at no time during my journey did I receive wings, lift or even the slightest amount of glide from your drink.
It is with great disappointment and discomfort that I sit here writing about your product that was so woefully mis-advertised. Yet, I cannot fully rule out the possibility that I received a faulty batch of your beverage. If you would be so kind as to ship me another case of Red Bull and I will drop all complaints against you and the Grey Goose Vodka company which also did not give me any type of birdlike flight when mixed with your product.

Sincerely,
Cletus